Tech Support Stories From The Mailbag

The following stories are tech support stories emailed to me by visitors to this page. I cannot verify their accuracy, but some of them are just crazy enough to be true. I will try to avoid posting "urban legends" such as the "broken cup holder", or the "any key" tech stories that have been floating around the web for some time now. All domain names, account names, and personal names have been altered from their original content.

My name is ******* , and I work as a tech for <an internet service provider>. I have a rather interesting story for you. About 2 or 3 months ago I received a call of a rather aggravated lady trying to figure out why her connection wasn't working. She kept complaining that we were refusing her connection over and over. After checking her account information and making sure everything was in order on our end, I proceeded to check her end to see what the problem was. This is how it went

(After hitting the mute button and bursting out laughing, I quickly composed myself and tried to keep from laughing from that point on)

Cust: Well I first wanted to get my email, I have a friend who bet me $200 he could beat me at Mortal Kombat.
(Another pause with the mute button)

me: Im sorry Ma'am but we do not support the Sega Saturn Link, as far as I know you should not be able to connect to us with it at all

Cust: Who do you think I am, Donald Trump!? I cant go out and buy a computer to use the internet at all....Im gonna lose my money because you refuse to help me???

me: Im sorry Ma'am but we do not support saturn, I suggest you call sega and....

Cust: Listen here you f***** as*****!! I don't need to hear what YOU think, you have to help me NOW!
(at this point I couldn't help but laugh)

Cust: You think you are really fresh aren't you, I want your name.
(by now I knew that the situation would never reach a solution so I let myself go)

Needles to say she then emailed our support dept claiming some wise guy calling himself Sonic Hedgehog (laff) was rude and refused to help her with her sega saturn connection. She received a courteous response saying we couldn't help her. She then tried calling tech support several times asking for different techs each time but never got through. We eventually got her phone number and had the Dept. Head of Technical support call her and request she stop calling tech support. Damn funny if you ask me.

Hello fellow techies my name is Marc. In the various and sundry places with which I have been employed, there is always something funny; something out of the ordinary that happens. This happened quite a few times when I was working at Microsoft in 1994. Check out the following phone call I took while providing support for the MS-DOS Que: =================================================================

Me: "Thank you for calling Microsoft Support Services. This is Marc. How can I help you?"

Customer: "Yes I bought a new Microsoft mouse the other day and I'm having problems with it."

Me: "Well, sir, this is MS-DOS Software Support Que. Support for our Microsoft Mouse and Joystick are provided by our Hardware Support Que."

Customer: "I know that but no one ever answers that que. I held for an incredible amount of time. So I called a different que."

Me: "No problem, I will do my best to assist you even though I am not in Hardware Support What seems to be the problem with the mouse? I mean what's it not doing"?

Customer: "Well first off the mouse does NOT match the illustration on the box. No one seems to properly illustrate anything any more. But mainly the problem is that I find that it is really hard to move."

Customer: <repeats> "Yes, hard to move. That little black ball is a real pain. Why did they make it like this? Such a small ball..."

Me: <ponders what in the crap is this guy doing. A "ball"?!? <Perhaps its upside down>> "Sir, try turning the mouse upside down and putting it on the table."

Customer: <trys this>. "Um... Okay... Hold on... Wow!! Hey it's working ALOT better now!! And there are those buttons that ARE illustrated on the box. I feel really stupid now!!!"

Me: <trying not to laugh, or -agree-> "No problem sir, We're always here for assistance."

Me: "Thank you for calling Microsoft Corporation" <end of call>
================================================================

True Story! <LOL> :):):) I had to go into "busy" mode (off line, taking no calls) to take a short break in the break room to laugh that one off.

Hi, I'm the IT HelpDesk Manager of a very large technical college in South Australia...I loved your site and thought I'd share my G Files with you....

Problem Reported: Student email not working - ALL students can send but not receive email.

Logged Resolution: Email server crashed because student S0330419 had entered their entire email message in the cc.. field in Eudora. Email server tried to process phrases such as "I am BUNNY" and "Now i am on an experiment of email to you" and "do we have assignment?" and "why the silly lecturer always give us assignment?" as email addresses. After over a week of work, this email was eventually removed from the queue and the email server successfully restarted. So who's the *%$&&#@'ing bunny now?

To: Cornfed@Shadowstorm.com
From: Joachim Svendsen joachim@somewhere.com
Subject: Re: cmg: Urban legend? Are you sure?

At 0412 PM 2/27/98 +0100, you wrote
>If you like, I can help you get in touch with somebody who actually
>received a complaint about "Broken cup holder" (CD-Drawer not working).
>Too amazing to be true?
>
>-joachim )
>
>
>ps. Great site. Love it.

The broken cup holder story is funny, but it is already posted on almost every other tech support stories page. I wanted to pretty much have all new stories posted.

Hey,
I work at tech support for my university ** ***** ****. I have two stories to share. First and the short one:

<Girl> Hello this is so and so.. I am having a problem
<ME> What is happening?
<Girl>Well I am getting this message that says "Broken Pipe"... I think I should tell you I do live at the (Temporary housing on campus... under constant construction) and there is construction going on... so it could be that.

For the Non-Macintosh Savvy

A "Broken Pipe" error is a Macintosh error usually involving Global Village Gold II 14,400 modems and Netscape Navigator. For further information read the Netscape support article here.

-Cornfed

m: Hello ... How may I help you.
L: Hi. I just bought the Internet Startup Kit and I cannot get it installed.
m: Well lets look at you drives.. is the CD in?
L: Yes < we check her drives in my computer... she had numerous partitions.. and the one icon that looks like a CD has the conspicuous label "stuff" >
m: Open windows explorer and look on the F: drive
L:< reads list of programs on disk, obviously a burned pirated software CD >
m: well that is obviously not the ISK 3.0 could you please check and make sure it is in the drive.
L: Oh my god!
m: What happened?
L: You guys must have sold me the wrong CD this can't be it... this isn't what i put in there.
m: I assure you we did not sell you the wrong CD
L: It must have changed then.. I put it in and a different CD came out.. but it came out a different place than where I inserted it
m: Has anyone else used the computer since you put it in?
L: No... OH NOW I SEE!
The lady had slid the ISK in the small slot above her cdrom drive and into the case. She tilted the case forward and the cd slid back out... installation went fine

You will likely start getting some from me which I give you permission to post as you see fit, however please blank out my name and ISP affiliation, and any references to our isp that may be contained in the emails, as you have with other posts.

Return-Path <support>
Date Fri, 27 Feb 1998 211651 -0700
From "Newbie User" newbie@Internot.net
Organization <Internet Service Provider>
To support@Internot.net
Subject Netscape interruption -- "Illegal operation announcement"

I have been experiencing for some time now, while browsing the net, a message box saying that I have performed an illegal operation and the program will be shut down. This has been happening more and more frequently lately and is quite annoying. I have done nothing illegally and I resent this interruption.

To The Customer: Before you beat up your tech support person, read this...
To Tech Support: Before you let your rude customer have it, read this...

I know this isn't specifically an Internet Tech Support story, but it's too good to miss. I'm a few weeks away from the investment capital to open my own ISP, so hopefully (or not!) I'll have a few more stories to relate...

I had been working for my first computer company for only a few weeks when my small company got an order for an impressive complete system from an older lady. My boss told me to put extra time into this system because she was the purchasing agent for a large company we were trying to get a contract with. So I built this whole system, tweaked like I'd never tweaked before. I packed it up before she came to pick it up. We then showed her how to unpack it, hook it up, etc... the whole nine yards. The next morning my phone lit up as I walked in the door at 8am. After she quit cursing at me about the piece of junk we sold her that wouldn't even turn on, yack yack yack, the conversation went like thiSupport:

Me: Of course not, ma'am. I'm just required to do it this way. (of course I was lying, but who hasn't used that excuse?)

Customer: *giant sigh* OK. Where do we start? --*begin tracing every cable, even checked to see if the outlet worked... began by making sure all the power cords went into the surge suppresser*--

Customer: I can't believe I've done this! I've been so terrible to you! (etc...)

It seems she had plugged the power strip back into ITSELF, and had plugged the printer directly into the wall (the printer worked.) The poor woman felt so bad, she ended up bringing me lunch for the next two weeks. I couldn't really refuse without hurting her feelings, but my boss frowned on it nonetheless. He quit frowning when her company opened a $40k contract with us a week later.

Support: Sir? <I can hear the guy typing away....after much urging from me from him to stop...>

Customer: There....wait..it says somethin about formatting my drive....hmmm.....<Customer types away>

Customer: He says, I got it all fixed now. When your little "format a:" didn't work, I tried b. When that didn't work, I tried c, and it's truckin along now..........

Return-Path <support>
Reply-To SomeLady@Internot.net
From "SomeOne" SomeOne@Internot.net
To "Internot Technical Support" support@Internot.net
Subject Re -- Childrens Birthday Parties
Date Mon, 9 Mar 1998 093344 -0600
X-MSMail-Priority Normal

Hi I am new at this and need help in finding where to look for places that do childrens birthday parties. something different than chuck e cheeses.

   I was just reading your tech support funnies and came across the one about the Radio Shack experience. Again, this has nothing to do with tech support but it did happen to me at a Radio Shack and I thought you might like to hear it.... A woman came into the store holding a brown paper bag and informed me that she wanted to return a small transistor radio. When I asked her what the problem was she immediately informed me that she bought it at Sears about 2 weeks prior and I said "Well, you will have to return it to Sears." She then mentioned that there was nothing they could do for her, so I said "Let me have a look." thinking I may be able to fix it for her. She opened the bag and removed a large wad of black plastic..."What is that?" I asked. "It's my radio.." "What happened to it?" "My son dropped it in the tub and I put it in the microwave to dry it out and now it won't work." Without laughing in her face, I tactfully told her there was nothing I could do and she left.......but wait....it gets better!
   About 2 hours later the largest cop I ever saw in my life comes into the store and says, "Was there a young lady here earlier trying to return a radio?" I thought.."Oh no..she went to the cops??" I replied, "Yes sir, there was." He shrunk to about a foot high and turned 20 shades of red and said "I'm awful sorry, that was my wife....I didn't know she would actually try to return it."
  One of the weirdest experiences I ever encountered, along with the usual "Good Afternoon, Radio Shack" "Hi, ummm, do you sell radios?" Sheesh, how do you answer a question like that without being sarcastic. :-)

Hi, love the site. This isn't actually a tech support thing but close enough. I am 14, and one of my friends has a PC too. Now, I am not exactly Mr. Whizzkid but I have solved PC problemos in the past for people I know. This one takes the biscuit.

One morning just after Christmas, my friend's little sister phoned me, saying she had received a game and a joystick for Christmas, and no-one was around to help her. It was all plugged in correctly, but she said the problem was "the little man won't move". Obviously the little man on screen =). So, I was thinking maybe it was a DOS game, so the drivers weren't installed. So I went down to her house to see what was wrong. My friend had just got back, and he asked her what the problem was. She explained, so I thought if she retraced her steps she could show me where she went wrong. So she fired up the game, pressed start, and the sign on the game said Move Right. So I said "move the joystick right to see if he moves." To my amazement, she picked the joystick up off the desk, and walked to the LEFT OF THE COMPUTER. Actually carried it LEFT. She didn't know you moved the STICK to control the character =).

Too bad it wasn't a flight simulator. I would have loved to have watched her try to do a vertical 360. ; )