| Updated 09/26/04 05:40 PM |
Tech Support Stories From The Mailbag - Vol. 3
Resent-date: Tue, 28 Apr 1998 22:47:31 -0400 (EDT)
Date: Tue, 28 Apr 1998 19:48:58 -0700
From: XXXXX<XXXXXi@somewhere.com>
Subject: cmg:
To: cornfed@SHADOWSTORM.COM
X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.2106.4
Hey i love your site, I'm glad to see idiots are world wide...
I recently recieved a call from a lady who didn't know what the
desktop,mouse cursor,or even how to click the start button. She
then demanded to know what i was doing to her pc from my
location. She then adamantly told me that i was screwing her
machine up from my location. When I asked her who she was, and
what her username was, she told me that I should know who she
was, because i was destroying her pc. After a few minutes of
persuading her to calm down, I came to realize that she wasn't
even a customer of ours. She then proceeded to tell me what her
problem was, (the dns settings) I then explained to her that she
would have to contact her isp to correct the settings. She then
proceeded to ask what the dns stood for. Thats when i cracked up,
I explained that DNS stood for Due North Standards, for the
compas in her pc that told the network where she was. She Then
thanked me and hung up. Thus bringing an end to a 2 1/2 hour
call.......
toXic
In tech support it's best to assume nothing. I once had a lady drive me bonkers for 20 minutes trying to figure out why she could not log on to the Internet. Her local dial in number required a manual log in. The user had to type in;
username <ENTER>
password <ENTER>
ppp <ENTER>
and then press F7.
She told me she was doing it correctly. After several failed attempts to log in I counted the number of keys I could hear her pressing over the phone, and there was one key too many. I finally determine she was typing in;
username <ENTER>
password <ENTER>
ppp <ENTER>
The letter F and then the number 7 instead of the single function
key F7
Arrrrggghh!!!
-Cornfed
Hey,
Just thought you might find this
amusing, I just got off the phone with
a very upset customer. He wanted me to tell him how to keep
his
children from being abducted over the net, he saw that this
happened
quite frequently, it was hard not to laugh especially after
hearing the
statement "your children should not be abducted after you
send an email"
leave my mouth, the other techs however did not control their
laughter.
I was trying to explain the safety rules of telling his
kids not to
talk to strangers and not to get in the car, i do relaize that
abducted
children is a serious situation, but this guy wass so amusing, he
was so
convinced he wanted to cancel his account,
Just was humorous,
Jenni
I've been working in Tech Support for a few months, but already, I'm used to the stupidity of the callers. This one caught me though. It's absolutely true and happened this morning (May 4th 1998).
Me Blah Tech Support. How can I help you?
Customer Yeah, can you tell me how to get past level 4 in Quake?
Me I'm sorry, this is Tech Support for an ISP, not Quake.
Cust Yeah, but I saw your advert in a magazine about Quake and was wondering if you can tell me how to complete Level 4. I can't get anywhere on it. I'm playing on an N64.
Me The advert you saw was for our Quake server. It's really meant for PC owners.
Cust (confused) Yeah, but I saw it in the magazine. Can't you help?
Me (Trying to control fits of laughter ) I'm sorry sir. All I can suggest is to get a bigger gun.
Cust Dimly realise he's on the fast trak to nowhere) Oh. Is that all? Ok then, bye.
I had to go and take a break after that, I couldn't stop laughing.
Hope you post this. Great site, by the way.
Greatly enjoyed your site - I immiediatly shared the URL with all my co-workers! I work for a large Outsourcing Company that supports ISPs, software, and peripheals; I spend a far amount of time in the NANAE news groups where I first saw reference to this site.
My latest Tale from the Tech Trenches involves a large, expensive Reference Program that we support.
CUSTOMER: I can't get it to start!
ME: What happens when you try to start the program, Ma'am?
CUS: Nothing... it just sits there.
ME: Well, do you see any error messages or anything?
CUS: No.
ME: OK... are you double clicking on the XXXX Icon?
CUS: ummm... (obviously not understanding, so I rephrased)
ME: Are you double clicking on the XXXX short cut on your Desk Top, you know, the screen that you first see when you start Windows, with all the little pictures?
CUS: Oh - no, I just click Start - but it doesn't start.
ME: (Starting to get the picture) OK, you mean you go to the Start Button in the lower left hand corner of your screen?
CUS: Yes, Ma'am! That's it!
ME: And where do you go from there? To Programs? (hoping against hope)
CUS: Well no - I don't go anywhere - and neither does your program!
(At this point, I was sorely tempted to ask her if ANY of her programs worked by just clicking on "Start", but I refrained. Instead, I gently explained that the Start button was just a "Start" to doing something else, to going to go elsewhere... and that it wouldn't actually START *any* program just by clicking on it alone.) I had further fun and adventure with this customer, but that's another tale, for another time
. Thanks for letting me share.
Mallard
=== Duck with an Attitude ===
Dear Lead Tech,
My name is ####, and I am a Lead Tech here in <Computer Land>. I just got done reading some of your web site and laughing my ass off. I have one for you.
A lady called me one day in a PANIC! She told me that
she had spilt coca~cola in her keyboard. I calmly told the
lady, it is okay, don't panic. "You need to just run you
keyboard under luke warm water." She replied happily, OKAY,
and hung up.
About 10 minutes later the same lady called back in histerics
again. She told me, "It won't reach!" I replied,
what, the keyboard. She told me, YES. I asked,
"What, it won't fit under the sink? Do you have a
bathtub you can use?"
She replied, "NO! It won't reach from the
computer!" I had to use my mute key on the phone for about
10 minutes.
I trust that you get a lot of phony e-mails, but this is TRUE!
I also trust that you will keep all names supplied in this email
strictly confidential!
I would love to see you post this on your site.
Thank you,
FRU-FRU THE BIG BROWN DOG WITH DIRT ON HIS NOSE
<Ok how is that for hiding your name.. ; ) -Cornfed >
I am not a tech support person, however I couldn't help but be amused by some of the stories I have just read. I just read the first one in your mailbag section and have to wonder whether or not it is true. First of all, I find it hard to believe that a person would be stupid enough to think they could connect to the internet with a video game, don't you? Besides that, the story ends with the tech claiming the customer emailed the support department, etc. How could she send an email to the correct department of a support company if she didn't even know that she couldn't connect to the internet through Sega Saturn? Besides that, how did she even send an email? Just curious.
- Curious reader
There is an add-on to the Sega Saturn called Saturn Link (I think) that allows the Sega Saturn to connect to the Internet via a standard dial up connection. I really don't know much about it, but I know it exist.
-Cornfed
Here's a good one:
ME: Thank you for Calling yada yada yada Support.
L-USER: I'm having problems with my modem, it won't work.
ME: ok sir what do you get when you try to connect?
L-USER: Well I can't connect, the light on the front isn't going on.
ME: Light, sir what light might that be? (At this point I knew what he did, how the hell he did it I dunno, I wanted to drag this out just a little bit further, see how expensive it was gonna end up as)
L-USER: The light near the hole on the front that goes on and makes a noise everytime I turn on my computer"
ME: Ok, sir, where do you phone lines go to, the front or the back?"
L-User: Front, ya know they should really make these holes bigger I had a hell of a time putting this in"
ME: OK (With a laugh in my voice), So you rammed....errr installed the modem, did you install the software?"
L-USER: Yes, yes I did" (Now here is where this guy gets the boner award so I had to keep going)
ME: Ok, was the software on CD or diskettes?
L-USER: Disk...the square ones." (BINGO!!!)
ME: Ok, where did you put the software when you tried to install it?"
L-USER: I put it in that thing that slides out above the modem, it's funny you ask, it made a really bad noise when I put it in, and it wouldn't install.....maybe that's my problem"
ME: Sir, fixing the install is the least of your worries right now"
L-USER: Really? it seemed soooo simple...It said it was Plug and Play
ME: Ok, Plug and Pray? Sir I think you just added new meaning to that statement."
L-USER: "REALLY?! How??"
<From the attitude I think you are long overdue a vacation. Been there. Done that. One of the hardest things in tech support is keeping irritation and negative feelings out of your voice. I always try to sound pleasant and friendly to the customer even if I think he is a bone head. My mute button has saved me many times. I have also found a season pass to the local theme park helps. They have this huge rollercoaster called Thunder Road. It has one big hill the cars climb before plunging over the other side. I've found no matter how stressed I am the attitude I have going up that big hill is not the same attitude I have going down the hill. A must for sanity in tech support for me. -Cornfed>
BTW Have you delt with the EUDORA vs. ENDORA situation yet? You should be hearing from our techs since we do have alot of stories that need to be told. Take it slow.......and please keep my name out of this.
-Aggitated Tech
Thanks for the tech story. I'll place it in the next volume of "From the Mailbag".
On the Endora vs. Eudora issue, yes I have heard that one many times as well as "Trumpet Woodstock", "Bring up terminal window after dining", "serious mouse", "Windows 94", "Winstock.dll", "US Robotech Spotster", and "I have an Acker (Acer) computer".
Thanks,
-Cornfed
Great page. I had to stop reading for a while there because I was laughing so hard. I work graveyards here at <ISP> but was day crew for a while. Here's a few more true stories to add to the pile...
Tech's Are Humans Too!
I work graveyards and am the sole person on duty for most of my shift.
One morning, around 4:30am, I got the following call:
Tech: Such-and-such internet service, this is so-and-so, how may I help you?
Cust: It's about time! Your ads say that you have 24 hour technical support.
Well, the phone has been ringing for about 15 minutes and you didn't answer!
Tech: Sir, it's early in the morning and I'm the only one here... I was in the bathroom.
<silence for a good minute>
Cust: Oh..... Well...
<continues on with a realatively simple problem.>
The one call that left me speechless afterwards was the one call where I was trying to help a customer get his Windows 3.1 setup working but something was getting lost in the translation. I had directed him to go to the DOS prompt to edit his config.sys. I told him to type "Cee Dee space dot dot return." He did and told me the computer said there was no such path. I confirmed he was in c:\windows. After about 20 minutes of working with the guy I finally understood what was happening.
What I was saying: CD ..
What he was typing: CD :
^ two dots, one over the other.... dot dot.
Later on, while editing the config.sys file I asked him what the "Set
Path" line said. He read:
"Set path equal dot slash dot path dot slash dot..."
SET PATH=%PATH%
^---^
dot, slash, dot.
-----
Hope ya enjoy them and thanks again for the page. ;)