| Updated 09/26/04 05:40 PM |
Tech Support Stories From The Mailbag - Vol. 6
Hi Cornfed,
I do a lot of tech support in the company I work for, and have a few good stories. The most memorable to me happened a few years ago. A user called to tell me that their floppy drive was broken because they were getting "Error reading floppy drive" messages whenever they tried to load a file. I scurried down to their cubical and had them show me the problem. The started up "Windows" (actually they were in Windows and started WordPerfect, but to this day I have yet to convince them that WordPerfect for Windows is not really Windows), went to File-Open and tried to select drive A:. Sure enough, we saw the "Error reading floppy drive" message appear. I tell them that perhaps their floppy is bad. At that point they reach into thier purse, pull out a floppy and tell me, "No, it can't be. I just saved it to here yesterday, and now it won't load it." After getting them to actually insert the disk into the drive, the error messages went away. Now here's the kicker - the same thing happened to them a week later.
Back when we were using Windows 3.1, one friend of mine had a recurring problem of the files in his root sector vanishing. At first I thought he must have deleted them, and after the third time of SYS'ing his disk and restoring the config files from backup I finally figured out the problem. He would select a list of files to delete in the File Mangler. Before deleting them, the file list would come up in a confirmation box. He would hit the Enter key on his keyboard, but sometimes accidently hit the backslash key directly above the Enter key first. Of course, this replaced the selected files list with a backslash, and as we all know, that is a shortcut to the root. Recurring problem solved.
Just recently a friend of mine bought a laptop, and was trying to configure the card modem. She did not have the isntall disks and called me up for some support. I told her I needed to know what type of modem she had - she did not know. I asked her to remove the modem, "It is on the right side of the laptop near the back. There should be a little button to press and the modem will pop out. The modem is about the size of a credit card, but thicker." About 15 minutes later she called me back telling me it was a real hassle getting the modem out - lots of screws and it was a lot bigger than I said. Turns out she removed the hard drive. So I try again, explaining to her what to do even more explicitly (could I be more explicit). Again, about 15 minutes later she calls back, but this time she has managed to remove the battery. So I talk her through taking out the modem. Then I tell her, "Well, at least you now know where *all* the parts are on your laptop.
Tech
Hi Cornfed,
I loved the web page. I almost tinkled laughing so
hard!
Glad you enjoyed the page, but before you read the next volume you might want to go pee first. ; ) - Cornfed
A little over a year ago I started working in computer store while finishing my education, to gain a little experience in the field of tech support. one day one customer walked in an started looking around, as I was occupied with a other customer at that point I gave him a nod to show him that I knew he was there and that'll be with him as soon as possible. he started looking at our selection of PC's and peripherals, and I nearly gave the customer I was occupied a heart attack with a outburst of laughter. As the "new" customer picked up the mouse and spoke into it... "hello computer" and looking very unimpressed when nothing happened, except sending me to the floor with laughter!!!
Regards
Kjetil XXXXX
Norway
Maybe it was Scotty from the future (In one of the Star Trek movies Scotty does the same thing).
High-mee Was Here
Just wanted to give you a call my husband listened in on when he first started in tech support. I am not sure of the beginning of the call but this is what was passed on to me.
During the call the customer was asked to reboot his computer.
Cust: "What's that?"
Tech: "That is where you turn your computer off and then back on again."
Cust: "Oh, I can do that!"
Tech: Let me know when you get to DOS.
Cust: "What's DOS?
Tech: Never mind, what is on the screen now?
Cust: Some guy named High-mee is checking memory.!
- I personally have gotten a lot of mileage out of this one.
"I told you the Internet was hot!"
Thanks for giving us a home to put the horror stories. I sat down for about an hour and went through everything you had and felt lucky for what few people who cause us grief.
I got a couple of stories for you. I can assure you that they are real. We are a small ISP and only get a couple dozen calls a day but I think we have gotten some extrodinary ones nonetheless.
1) Lady calls in...
Me>"Hi, how can we help you?"
L> I can't get online...
Me> Ok, lets see. You are using our CD to install the software?
L> Yes
Me> Ok. When you put the CD in, what happened.
L> Nothing. It didn't do anything
Me> Ok, can you click on the icon labeled "My Computer" please?
L> Umm......ok...got it. It made this square on the screen.
Me> Yes, that's a window. Now do you see all the letters in there?
L> Uh huh
Me> What is the highest letter in there?
L> "A"
Me> I'm sorry, I mean, what is the farthest letter into the alphabet in the window
L> "D" Me> Does it have a little picture next to it that has a CD in it?
L> Yes
Me> Ok, click on that.
L> Ok, ummm... It says "D is not accessible"
Me> Ok, can you take the cd out and put it back into the CD drive?
L> It's not in the drive, it's on top of the computer. Did I have to put it *into* the computer?
2) Guy calls in..
Me> "How can I help you?"
G> I INSTALLED YOUR SOFTWARE ON MY COMPUTER AND NOW IT'S ON FIRE!! WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Me> The computer is on fire right now?
G> YES!
Me> Um...Put the fire out.
% Once he had put the fire out with some water and we explained to him that nothing he put in his computer was at fault for it catching on fire he hung up and never called back He cancelled his account two days later %
3) [This one isn't quite as silly as it is proof that the tech usually knows more than you. This guy knew just enough to be dangerous. It cost us and him big time due to his pride.] Guy calls in...
Me> Can I help you?
G> I can send email but I can't receive it.
% After verifying on our end that username and password were correct and the acct was working %
Me> Ok, are you in *email client name*
G> Yes
Me> Ok, click on Mail Servers.Now retype your username.
G> OK,
Me> Try again
G> It still gives me the error.
% We spend about 45 minutes trying everything I can think of including asking him to very slowly and carefully retype it ensuring that his username was in lowercase. He finally gives up and says he will call back tomorrow. After talking with another tech the next day he agrees to on-site service *Yes we do that*. 5 minutes on-site and we find a SPACE in front of his username. The mail server didn't recognize " username" only "username" and therefore gave him the error. When asked how it could be there after re-typing it so many times he said. "Well it looked right so I never actually re-typed it. I just said I did." %
Dlostboy
This is the type of customer that makes me want to reach through the phone and choke them. I have had customer's tell me they were clicking this and clicking that, and after a few minutes when I asked them to read to me what it said on the screen they would finally admit that they were at work and their computer was at home...Grrrrrrr!
-Cornfed
Love your site!! I am so glad I am NOT a support person!
I do have a "Radio Shack" story... you seem to have one or two on here... =)
About 10 years ago I was an Assistant Manager at one of our local Radio Shacks. Being only 22 at the time (strike one) and female (strike two...) I came across many "good ole boys" that wanted to talk to the "man" in charge.
One Christmas season, I had a customer refuse to let me even wish him "Season's Greetings" and loudly requested that I get the older gentleman in the back, because he had some questions a "young lady" couldn't answer.
After the "older gentleman", who was part-time Christmas help, answered around 10 questions by turning to me, asking the same question, turning back to the customer and answering him, the customer finally asked for the "man in charge".
I then proceded to step forward and continue to answer all the man's questions. He sheepishly bought his computer system from me and became one of my best customers!
...A conversation I had at work...
Employee: "I think our fax machine is out of ink. I just sent a customer a fax, and all they received was a blank piece of paper."
Me <Trying to keep a straight face>: Maybe the phone line has a hole in it, and all the ink ran out on the way over.
- Cornfed - ; )
Cornfed and another tech in email discussing how to get rid of Netscape's global history list...
Hiya!! I'm a support tech for <AN ISP> here in Canada. One of the techs at work told me about the about: global history command. You can clear it by the way.
1. Manually Delete all files in the CACHE. 2. Delete the Netscape.hst file. 3. Remove the netsite pulldown menu in the registry.
Global history is now toast.
The other techs at work told me that what I just listed above does not clear the global history but it's worked for me everytime.
Yep. Nuke the netscape.hst file and global history is toast. Another way to do it is to tell Netscape to expire all links now. To remove the pull down entries in Netscape 3.0 you have to edit the registry in Windows 95 (either that or type in 10 or more new links to over write the old ones). We get calls daily about someone trying to get rid of that pull down list, but I am not about to tell a clueless user to edit the Windows 95 registry. I just play dumb, and tell them to type in a few new links until the old ones disappear.
Hehe, here at <My ISP> we're not even allowed to mention to the member that they CAN edit the registry in case they do something stupid and try and blame us.
Ever had a drunk person call you and ask if you know some good porn sites? I had a member cancel his account because I wouldn't help him find some S&M site he wanted to go to.
-Tech
There have been a few times I was tempted to pick my drink up off my AOL drink coaster (CD), wipe the dirt off, and send it to a customer in hopes that he would cancel his account and go to AOL. - Cornfed
Howdy, Cornfed — something for the mailbag! I submitted material before, but here's my info again: I work for <An ISP>
This was actually a sales. - I hung up with this person two minutes ago:
When setting up a new account for customers, we take a simple password, such as mother's maiden name for tech support verification.
I: "And for security purposes, I need you mother's maiden name" Customer: "Er — use "********", my kids are more familiar with that word" I: "Oh, you have goldfish?" (********* being a popular breed of goldfish) Customer: "No, but that's the password for my home alarm system"
Well, guess who'll my "associates" will be visiting this afternoon ;)
cheers,
Oliver Twist
Hi, I was reading your web page today and having quite a chuckle. As operations manager for a large ISP in Texas, I can sympathize greatly with the plight of the tech support rep.
Here is a magnificent example of a tech support call and it happened just this morning.
________________________________________
<tech> Tech support, how may I help you ?
<customer> What is your policy on illegal operations?
<tech> Sir ?!?
<customer> I was browsing the web and visiting an "adult" web site. I got a message that said my computer had performed an illegal operation and would be shut down. What is your policy on illegal activity ?
<tech> May I have your login ID, please ?
<customer> I do not think that will be necessary at this time <<CLICK>> ___________________________________________
Just thought I would share that one...
If you decide to post it, please protect my anonymity...