Tech Support Stories from the News Groups

April 26, 1998

Because these stories were taken from the news groups I cannot verify their accuracy, but they were too funny to let them pass into oblivion after only a few days of being posted. Thus I have given them a permanent home here.

-Cornfed

I Saw Jesus on the Internet
<Warning: Some religiously inclined readers may not find this post amusing>
<Feel free to skip this post if you wish>

Subject "I saw Jesus on the Internet"
From spamthis@spot.cum (holiday)
Date 1998/04/09
Message-ID 6girss$2to$1@news.ncal.verio.com
Newsgroups alt.tech-support.recovery

So this luser brings in his computer to the walk up counter.(1) And I'm not too busy. I've got three calls on hold, two days worth of customer updates to process, a couple of web page projects and a KALI bloodmatch with 15 frags in progress so I play Mr. Nice Bob(2), "Lets just throw it up on the bench and take a look.

Well it's the full blown "born again" machine With "Jesus" as the Winblows login, "Lord"(3) as his luser ID and "manna" as the pass. He even has the King James version screen saver complete with pictures of the saints and scrolling proverbs.

"Hmmmm" think I "this guys a few chips short on RAM" but judge not lest thee be...(4)

So a quick click through the settings every thing looks right and Gods in his heaven but just out of habit(5) I take a look into the history and BANG! it looks like a tour through Persian Kittys. This guys had his hand on more porno than Pee Wee and George Michael put together and I'm quick to point out that if you click on view, options, navigation, view history you could see everywhere you've been.

So I send him on his way up to the counter to "Pay the Man" and just 'cause I can, I slap a friendly bookmark into his wifes favorites folder called "Press Ctrl+H to view all "holy" websites"

(1)Proxy server setting could of fixed it over the phone IF he had called.
(2)Hey, it COULD happen!
(3)I'm pretty sure thats taking the Lords name in vain.
(4)...Larted in a big way if you know what I mean.
(5)No pun intended sister.
(6)NEVER underestimate a woman!

Lady Luser calls & wants to vent because our web based email program is called "Mailman"...

We regularly get irate people ringing because they've found a "discusting" web site online and what are we going to do about it?

At an ISP I worked for, I had put a 'women's issues' link on the company web page, along with the sports, news, fun and games, technical, etc. links. The page consisted of more links to the actual sites, for such offensive things as women's health issues, resources for abuse survivors, and things of general special interest that men wouldn't care about or didn't concern them.

Well, you guessed it, I got some hate mail from one of our customers, calling us all liberal scum. I asked this cerebral accident if he had actually GONE to that page, or just seen the link, and of course he hadn't. So, while on the phone, I had him take a look (he of course had two phone lines). Well, the contents didn't offend him at all. I thought the issue was resolved, but noooooo. THEN he insisted on me putting in a Men's Issues link as well. Given that that was my project for the day anyway, I didn't have any problem at all giving him what he wanted.

I had a luser the other day all yanked off that her email was not coming thru. Upon further interagation she was trying to email herself windoze 98 I told her that her mail box was only 8 meg. She she got pissed off and started to bitch about what good is her mailbox is if its so small. Windoze is a 90 meg file and she should be able to send it.