Actual Calls and Letters to Tech Support

Volume 3

The Netscape History List Strike Again!

So how many of you have run in to the Netscape history list? Typed in a few more web addresses to cover your tracks right? Maybe you are really computer savvy and edited the Windows 95 registry to remove those entries directly. You covered your tracks pretty well eh? NOT!!!! Strap yourself in to your seat and take a deep breath. I'm about to show you every single web address your Netscape browser has been to in the past several days! Click in the web address box just above your "Net Search" button. Erase everything in that box and type;

about:global history

Now press ENTER.

"Doh!"

I suppose you want me to tell you how to get rid of that now eh?

"Internet Tech Support - This is Cornfed speaking. May I have YOUR username please?"

He he he...

Not a Tech Support Call but Too Funny Not to Post

While I was working at Radio Shack about ten years ago this lady came in and was hopping mad! She had purchased a telephone 30 days prior and now wanted a refund. The other sales people could not calm her down enough to make sense of her, so one of them came in the back to get me. I came out and asked her what the problem was. She screamed; "I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!!" I told her that was not a problem and began writing up the refund ticket. I was curious as to what could prompt this woman to be so mad at her telephone, so I said; "Miss, what happened with this phone to make you this mad?" She replied; "I STILL GOT MY PHONE BILL!!!". I replied;"...and?"

She replied; "IT'S A CORDLESS PHONE!!!!"

She had been on the phone for a month calling all her long distance friends and talking for hours because she thought it would be free since the phone was cordless. Then the phone bill came in...

This actually happened at Radio Shack in Eastridge Mall - Gastonia, North Carolina in 1989.

Why Tech's Should Not Read While Talking

One of our techs admitted a somewhat embarrassing screw up on his part. Late one night about thirty minutes prior to closing things were getting slow, and the calls coming in to Tech Support had tapered off. This particular tech began browsing one of the erotic news groups when he found a rather interesting post. After a few minutes of reading he had become submersed in the tale being told. About that time the phone rang and it was a customer. The tech began trouble shooting the customer's problem, yet still reading the erotic tale at the same time. Well, do you know how some people read out loud without even realizing it? This tech made that mistake for a split second.

Tech: "Do you touch yourself?"

Customer: "What!!?!!!"

Tech: <Realizing he has goofed he attempts to recover> : Ummmm.....Did you get a touch error?" <No such error>

This was about all the tech would admit to.

Actual Email Sent to Our Support Address

From SUPPORT@internot.not Wed Mar 04 22:52:41 1998
Date: Wed, 04 Mar 1998 19:09:59 -0800 (PST)
From: Somebody <someone@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Hi, haven't heard from you in a while
Sender: SUPPORT@internot.not
Resent-to: TECHSUPPORT@WS165.TS.internot.not
To: support@internot.not
Message-id: someone@hotmail.com
MIME-version: 1.0
Content-type: text/plain; CHARSET=US-ASCII

i am sorry sweetheart...i love you, i have just had a really hard week...i will call tonight

<We have never heard of this person. Our guess is that one of our customer's has their "Reply to:" address set as "support@internot.not".>

My reply:

From: "Cornfed" support@internot.not
To: "Somebody" someone@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Hi, haven't heard from you in a while
Date: Thu, 5 Mar 1998 08:16:57 -0500
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
X-Priority: 3
X-Mailer: Microsoft Internet Mail 4.70.1161
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

Ummm...Thanks but you might want to tell the person you meant to reply to that their email address is not "support@internot.not".

P.S. Sorry to hear you were having a bad day. I hope today is better.

Cornfed
Internet Technical Support

<Maybe she was really trying to send a message to emotional_support@internot.not>

Box of Rocks

<A customer sent the following information from our tech support web page form (This is word for word and has not been edited in any way>

------------------------------------------------------------

Phone number:
Address:
City State:
Primary Internet use:
Internet services used frequently:

I have sent several questions to tech support and have never gotten an answer. What is the problem?

Also, why must I give you, my ISP, my e-mail address when I send you a message?

------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes Customers Diagnose Their Own Problem

Tech: Internet Tech Support this is so-and-so speaking. May I have your username please?

Customer: Yes I'm having problems staying connected to the Internet. I can connect to the Internet just fine, but after just a few minutes I get disconnected. Are you having any problems?

Tech: No Mam. Everything is working fine as far as I know. Lets looks over your modem settings and make sure everything is ok.

Customer: Ok where do you want to start?

Tech: Well first click on START/SETTINGS and then CONTROL PANEL.

Customer: Ok I'm clicking on START.....then SETTINGS..then.....<click! - Several touch tones are heard>

Customer: Cindy! I'm on the phone!

Cindy: Mom! I need to call Tiffany!!

Customer: Well you'll have to wait! I'm on the phone with Internet Tech Support.

<Cindy hangs up the phone>

Customer: Sorry, that was my daughter. Ok where were we?

Tech: Ok click on START/ SETTINGS/ CONTROL PANEL and then MODEMS.

Customer: Ok...START...then SETTINGS.....CONTROL PANEL...and MODEMS... <Click! - Several touch tones heard>

Customer: Cindy! I'm ON THE PHONE!!!

Cindy: Well Hurry up! <SLAM!>

Customer: I'm sorry Sir. Ok I'm in MODEMS now.

Tech: Ok now click on the DIAGNOSTICS tab at the top.

Customer: Ok.

Tech: How many com ports do you have showing?

Customer: Well com 1 says; "No modem installed, and com 2 says no modem..." <click! Several touch tones heard>

Customer: CINDY!!!! Get off the phone this minute!!!!

Cindy: <SLAM!>

Customer: Sir..

Tech: Yes?

Customer: I think I know what my problem is. Thank you. <click>

Tech: Internet Tech Support this is so-and-so speaking. May I have your username please?

Customer: Yes, I am having problem installing your software. I can put in the first disk and it runs fine. Then it ask for the second disk, but I can't get it to accept disk 2.

Tech: Are you getting an error message?

Customer: No, I just can't get the second disk in the drive. It won't fit.

Tech: The disk won't fit in the drive??

Customer: Yes. The first one goes right in, but the second disk won't fit.

<The customer was not removing the first disk before trying to insert the second disk>

Tinker at Your Own Risk

Tech: Internet Tech Support this is so-and-so speaking. May I have your username please?

Customer: Yes, I'm having a problem with my email. Every time I send a message it automatically sends all my previously received email from other people along with my message.

Skeptical Tech: It does?

Customer: Yes, and the more messages I receive the longer my out going messages get, and the longer it takes to send my message.

Skeptical Tech: Send a message to support@internot.not, and let me take a look at it.

Customer: Ok.

<The customer sends the tech a message and sure enough all of the customer's previously received email is included along with the new message>

Resolution: The customer had been playing with his settings. He was using Netscape 3.0 email. Under the OPTION/MAIL and NEWS PREFERENCES/IDENTITY tab there is a box were a user can direct Netscape to automatically attach a previously created signature file to the end of each out going email. The customer had set Netscape to automatically include the file "Inbox" at the end of each message he sent. The Inbox file is the file Netscape stores all previously received email in. As a result every time he sent a message he sent his entire "In-box" as the signature.

From Customer Service: "No sir, America Online is a different company... Your connection to us is unlimited... We're not responsible for your $300.00 AOL bill just because you have an account with us and you are still using their long distance access number."

Some Customers Can Think For Themselves

<This next customer realized that he was about to do something dumb and saw the humor in the situation...>

From E-mail: Can't receive mail. What should I have filled in the spaces listed under servers, under options in the menu bar. Also it is not recognizing my password. I just thought of something, if I can't receive E-mail, why am I sending this??

Customer calls in: "I need to know how to connect to the Internet. I just got my software and I don't know what to do."

Tech: "Sir, did you get a CD or a set of diskettes?"

Customer: "I got a CD."

<The Tech sets up and checks out everything and has him ready to dial in.>

Tech: "Sir, is your computer on a separate telephone line than the one we're talking on?"

Customer: "See - that's where I'm confused... I don't know!"

Tech: "OK, click on connect and lets see what we get."

Customer: "It says dialing and now it says no dial tone."

Tech: "OK, it's on this line. When we hang up click on connect and I'll call you back in a few minutes to see what happened.

<Tech calls back in three minutes..>

Tech: "OK sir, what did you get?"

Customer:"I got the same thing... no dial tone."

Tech: "Is your modem plugged into the telephone jack.?"

Customer: "Oh, the modem has to be plugged into the phone jack? I had the thing plugged into the wall outlet.... That's the problem - I need to find a phone cord and plug it into a phone jack."

<Over heard from another tech when a customer called in with a problem with Windows 95 that was not related to the Internet.>

Tech: Sorry. We don't do Windows.

The Un-Expected Reply

One day there were problems with the mail server. The mail server was taking forever to log anyone in (over a minute). Our tech support phone looked like the Christmas Tree in the city park. There was nothing tech support could do to fix this problem. It was up to engineering to fix it. Still customers were calling in and going right past our recorded message saying there was a problem with the mail server just so they could beat up on which ever poor tech answered the phone. I had already taken enough abuse over this, and I really didn't want to hear anymore. I picked up the phone and was once again greeted by an angry male voice that harshly said;

Customer: The time it is taking for me to log in to your email server is ridiculous! The performance of your mail server is absolutely unacceptable!

My Reply: It sure is, and if they don't fix it soon I'm going to cancel my account!!!!

Dead silence fell over the phone for several seconds as the customer contemplated my un-expected reply. Finally he busted out laughing. I explained the engineers knew there was a problem and were trying to fix it as soon as possible. The customer accepted my answer and hung up.

HTM1

Tech: Internet Tech Support this is so-and-so speaking. May I have your username please?

Customer: I am having trouble accessing a website I subscribe to. I typed in the web address they sent me in email, but it keeps saying; "Not Found. The requested object does not exist on this server. The link you followed is either outdated, inaccurate, or the server has been instructed not to let you have it." I sent them another email about it, and they said that millions of people access that address each day, but I can't get it to work.

Tech: What web address are you trying to access?

Customer: http://www.somedomain.com/subdirectory/abcd.htm1

Tech: It's htmL not htm1. That's your problem. Just re-type in the web address except use htmL this time.

Customer: Are you sure?

Tech: Yes, that's it.

Customer: I can't connect to the Internet right now because I only have one phone line. Could you try it to make sure?

Tech: Ok..hold on.

<The tech types the web address in to his web browser and up on his screen pops a triple X rated web site on bestiality>

Tech: Ooh yes...Thaaat works...

Customer: It's on you screen now?!

Tech: Yeeep.

<click!>

On one version of our Internet software the program to start the program installation was "Install.exe". The person who programmed the software had a sense of humor and decided to call the un-installer program "llatsni.exe" - That is install spelled backwards. One day a man called in to Tech Support and said we have given him defective disk because all the software on his disk had been copied backwards, and he gave llatsni.exe as the example.

   I was helping a computer newbie I know send her first email. This was an on site visit. Most of her computer experience had been with a Brother word processor, and she was using someone else's computer to send the email. She was trying to correct a typo she had made and was using her arrow keys to move the cursor back to the typo. I said; "Why don't you just use your mouse to move the cursor back to the typo". She picked up the mouse, held it vertically in the air and began shaking it in the air trying to get the arrow to move on the screen. I had to put my hand over my mouth and turn around the other way, so she wouldn't see me laughing behind her.
   I had been considering giving her one of my old computers, but I after I saw this I knew she would be worrying me to death trying to learn the computer basics. I changed my offer to; "If you will go sign up and take a introductory computer class I will give you my other computer".

  A customer called in and was having some strange problems with everything on her computer. You would be amazed at the amount of problems that will resolve themselves if you just shut down a computer for thirty seconds and then reboot. I told her to cut off her computer and she said; "Ok." After thirty seconds I told her to turn the computer back on. and to tell me when it was finished loading Windows. She said it was already up. This was way too fast. After running a few questions past her it was determined that she had just been turning off the monitor, and leaving the computer itself on. The computer had evidently been running for months without ever being shut down.
  It actually took a few minutes to tell her how to turn the computer off. The computer business she bought the computer from had come over to her house and set everything up for her including her Internet software. The computer tower was under her desk, and she didn't seem to realize there was more to the computer than just the monitor and the keyboard on her desk.

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