Calls to Tech Support

Updated 09/26/04 05:40 PM

Actual Calls and Letters to Tech Support

Volume 4

Now That Is Absurd!

As reported by one of the other techs:

Some ding-bat called in to Tech Support today and complained that every time she started her computer all her Internet programs automatically opened up (Windows 95). Apparently when she installed our software and it asked her what directory to install her programs in she actually browsed her way to the startup menu and told the program to install everything into the startup menu! Now that is about the most absurd thing I have heard in some time!

Here We Go Again! - From Support Email

Resent-date: Tue, 17 Mar 1998 09:38:34 -0500 (EST)
Date: Tue, 17 Mar 1998 09:55:31 -0800
From: Naughty Person <Voyeur@internot.not>
Subject: help
Sender: SUPPORT@internot.not
Resent-to: TECHSUPPORT@WS165.TS.internot.not
To: support@internot.not
Reply-to: C101@internot.not
Message-id: <350EB913.5625@internot.not>
Organization: Computer Something
MIME-version: 1.0
X-Mailer: Mozilla 3.01C-internotNUE (Win16; I)
Content-type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
Content-transfer-encoding: 7bit

How do I clear out the contents of the Location/Netsite Pull-Down Window <in Netscape>. I have accumulated a large number of unwanted entries.

<..and I just can't imagine what entries those might be.>

Actual Internet Technical Support Email
(We have never heard of this program nor
does it appear to be Internet releated)

From SUPPORT@internot.not Tue Mar 17 11:39:15 1998
Resent-date: Tue, 17 Mar 1998 11:23:53 -0500 (EST)
Date: Tue, 17 Mar 1998 11:23:42 -0500
From: Bawbwa Who <Bawbwa@internot.not>
Subject: Keywords
Sender: SUPPORT@internot.not
X-Sender: bawho@mail.internot.not (Unverified)
Resent-to: TECHSUPPORT@WS165.TS.internot.not
To: Help@[209.198.4.188]
Message-id: <1.5.4.32.19980317162342.0066bb14@mail.internot.not>
MIME-version: 1.0
X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Light Version 1.5.4 (32)
Content-type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii

Is it possible for a contact in Super Producer '97 to have more that one "Keyword"? I would like to be able to catagorize my clients and customers in more than one way, i.e. Waterfront, Waterview, Buyer, Prospect, etc.? Is this possible and is there anything special that I have to do to set this up so that I may sort it in many different ways? Your prompt response will be appreciated!

Thank you,

Bawbwa Who

<When my boss saw what I was laughing about he said; "Let me reply". Below is his reply;

Hi there! (tm)

Quite possible.

First, you need to locate the gigaplex capacitor and change the relational datbase system info to the new functions defined in the user manual update. We do not yet support that function however. It should not be hard to find a computer guru that has experience in this though.

....

ok.. just kidding. ;-)

I know nothing of the program you are using. We do support for the applications that come on our CD and disks... the usual "Internet" software stuff.

Might I suggest that you contact the people that you got this program from and see if they can help?

Thanks for the smile, and good luck.

Actual Email to Internet Technical Support via Web Support Link

FROM: "LIGHTisMYHEAD@AOL.COM"
FULLNAME: "RONALD ********"

I AM LOOKING FOR AN ARTICAL PUBLISHED IN YOUR PAPER 3-19-98 ABOUT A WOMAN USEING A CAN OF BABY FORMULA ,AND HITTING ANOTHER WOMAN OVER THE HEAD IN A GROCERY STORE & TRYING TO ROB HER. COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO FIND IT? THANK YOU

<Why am I not surprised that this was from an AOL customer.>

Web Submission to Internet Technical Support

Below is the result of the Support Feedback Form. It was submitted by

(NedFlanders@Internot.Not) on Tuesday, March 24, 1998 at 195115

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

name NED FLANDERS

phone ###-###-####

comments: I BOUGHT A IO ZIP, THOUGHT I BACKED EVERYTHING UP, REALLY THINK IT IS THERE SOMEWHERE. MOF COURSE MY NEW COMPUTER HAS EVERYTHING MS ON IT. I REALLY WOULDN'T MIND TRYING MS WORD, BUT AM USED TO WP61(OFFICE) HAVE IT ALL BACKED UP I HOPE, NOW I DONT KNOW HOW TO GET IT ON OR EVEN CONVERT IT TO MS WORD. THE ZIP CONFIGURATIONS PORB. HAVE IT BUT SEM WEIRD. IS THERE A BOOK FOR DUMMIES THAT DON'T KN0OW HOW TO CONVERT FROM ZIP WP61 TO MS WORD. I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND MY FILE NAMES. IT APPEARS LIKE THEY ARE IN DIRECTORIES, OF COURSE THEY ARE WP DIRECTORIES, BUT THE WAY THEY COME UP SEEMS WEIRD TO ME. I THINKK I MAY INSTALL WP61 ON THE NEW COMPUTER, JUST SO I CAN RETRIEVE, WELL HOPE I CAN ANYWAY. HELP!! NED

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

<Ok - At least this person is willing to read a dummies book. There may be hope for this one after all>

A lady called in to customer service and told them to put her account on hold. The next day she called Tech Support and wanted to know why she could not get in to her account. We verified that the person making the call to Tech Support was in fact the same person who called in and put the account on hold the day before.

I got SPAMMED by Abuse@Netcom.com!

I just had a new one happen today. I'm not going to take all the blame for this, but I did start the ball rolling. Some spammer emailed us at our support account. I download the support email in the mornings and give it out to the other techs to answer. I tracked the spammer back to Netcom.com and fired off an email to abuse@netcom.com with the spammer's email complete with headers. Because I was using the support account my return address was set to support@Internot.Not. That's when the problem started. Abuse@netcom.com replied to my return address (support@Internot.Not) with their automated reply. Support@Internot.Not responded to abuse@netcom.com with it's automated reply. Abuse@netcom.com responded to our support auto-reply and on and on it went. The two mail servers were spamming each other in an infinite loop! We have five Dec Alpha machines on a fiber optic ATM to dual DS3's and they were screaming full speed at Netcom which was screaming full speed back at our machines. After the fifteenth reply from Netcom I contacted our mail administrator and said; "Houston, we have a problem." He changed the delivery rules so that our auto-responder would not respond to reply's to our auto-respond message. That broke the cycle, but by then a few hundred email messages had been fired off between us and Netcom.

Normally Netcom's auto response message would not be humorous, but keep in mind we received more than 300 copies of the following email from Abuse@Netcom.com in one day;

=======================================================================

>From SUPPORT@Internot.Not Mon Mar 30 124109 1998
Resent-date Mon, 30 Mar 1998 123956 -0500 (EST)
Date Mon, 30 Mar 1998 093716 -0800
From abuse@netcom.com (Netcom Technical Support)
Subject Re Internot Services Automated Confirmation
Sender SUPPORT@Internot.Not
Resent-to TECHSUPPORT@WS165.TS.Internot.Not
To SUPPORT@Internot.Not
Reply-to abuse@netcom.com

X-Loop Netcom Policy Management autoresponse

****PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE****

            ************************************************
            *NOTE This is an automated response containing*
            *general information about Abuse reports. This *
            *is not intended as an answer to your question.*
            ************************************************

Thank you for writing to NETCOM's abuse department with your concern.

NETCOM does not in any way support SPAM or any form of NETWORK ABUSE and enforces NETCOM Terms and Conditions and Acceptable Use Guidelines on a stringent basis when complaints of this nature are made. NETCOM maintains a zero tolerance policy as it pertains to SPAM. Enforcement of NETCOM Terms and Conditions as well as its Acceptable Use Guidelines for reasons of SPAM or NETWORK ABUSE will result in suspension or termination of account access privileges.

<Does that mean they will cancel their abuse account if I complain? ; ) >

IMPORTANT INFORMATION
----------------------
Please include the full headers of all e-mail or Usenet messages relevant to your report. Often, forwarding a message through a newsreader strips the article of headers and makes it difficult for us to identify the original post.

If you are reporting abuse of Usenet, email, or IRC, please include the following information in the BODY of the message

* The forum the inappropriate message(s) are in (newsgroup, email, IRC)
* The name of the newsgroup the inappropriate messages are in
* The username of the sender
* A copy of the message with full headers

Without this information it is difficult to validate and take appropriate action against a NETCOM user. NETCOM has no jurisdiction over other users on various ISP's separate from NETCOM, and can take no action against those users. If you are reporting an abuse issue for a non-NETCOM customer, please send your complaint to

postmaster@domain

(Where domain is the ISP from which the spam originated.)

Alternatively, you may contact the abuse department by calling (408)881-3499, Monday through Friday, 900 AM to 500 PM PST.

If you are reporting a copyright, trademark violation, or system security issue, please send your report to security@netcom.com.

Last updated 11/20/97

===================================================

So there is irony in life after all .. ; )

-Cornfed

Internet Tech Support and May I Recommend a Good Restaurant?

Resent-date Tue, 07 Apr 1998 001729 -0400 (EDT)
Date Tue, 07 Apr 1998 001828 -0400
From LYNN SOMEBODY Blond-Lady@worldnet.att.net
Subject CHARLIE'S CRABHOUSE
Sender SUPPORT@Internot.Not
Resent-to TECHSUPPORT@WS165.TS.Internot.Not
To support@Internot.Not
Message-id dimwit@worldnet.att.net
MIME-version 1.0
X-Mailer Mozilla 3.0C-WorldNet (Win95; U)
Content-type text/plain; charset=us-ascii
Content-transfer-encoding 7bit

yOU ARE MISSING THE BOAT NOT RECOMMENDING THIS RESTAURANT TO THE

TOURISTS.IT IS A GEM!

More Support Email From an AOL Customer
(We are not in any way connected to AOL)

Resent-date Tue, 07 Apr 1998 091903 -0400 (EDT)
Date Tue, 07 Apr 1998 091836 -0400
From Maraj123456@aol.com
Subject Customer request
Sender SUPPORT@Internot.Not
Resent-to TECHSUPPORT@WS165.TS.Internot.Not
To Support@Internot.Not
Message-id 9804071318.AA20895@www.#######.com
MIME-version 1.0
Content-type TEXT/PLAIN; CHARSET=US-ASCII
(from "Mara1234567@aol.com" fullname "John Clueless"
remote-host "152.163.213.114" remote-address "152.163.213.114" remote-user "" body "

Curious to know if the race is putting the results on internet and where. Maybe Champion Chips.
Enjoyed the race but left afterward and didn't get the Sunday paper.

Thanks,

John Clueless
Atlantic Beach, Fl 12345

Now That's Dumb

A lady called in to Tech Support and said she couldn't get on the Internet. The tech asked her if she was getting any error messages when she tried to connect to the Internet. The lady said she didn't know if she was or not because the power was off in her house and she couldn't see the error message.

Actual Email Sent to Tech Support

Date: Mon, 06 Jul 1998 09:10:58 -0400
From: WebHead <BrainFart@Internot.Not>
Subject: you cut me off
Sender: SUPPORT@Internot.Not
X-Sender: support@Internot.Not
Resent-to: SUPPORTBK@WS122.TS.Internot.Not
To: support@Internot.Not
Message-id: <98Jul6.091059edt.13443@.Internot.Not>
MIME-version: 1.0
X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Version 1.4.4
Content-type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
Status:

what's going on? Three times in the last five minutes you've cut me off the net, the third time telling me I've performed an illegal operation as I attempted to get information on how to order a radio. Illegal?

To get out of the illegal warning I had to close down everything I was doing....actually I had no choice, it was shut down for me. In the process, all the information from eight sites I'd visited to compare info was destroyed. I don't even know what the sites were.

So just what are you doing? Since network maintenance was scheduled to end nearly 15 hours ago, I hope this doesn't hint at what we can expect from Internot.Not in the future.

Resolution: Microsoft Windows 95 was harassing Netscape again. (One day they are going to find some code buried deep inside Windows that says; "If web browser = Netscape then randomly shutdown with some nasty message") Fixed disk errors and re-installed Netscape. The customer's modem was a cheapo no name junk modem.

Do yourself a favor! - If you don't learn anything else from visiting this site learn this - You get what you pay for. Don't ever skimp on a cheap modem. Those little suckers will hang up on you left and right. The frustration it will cause you is not worth the few bucks you saved over a good modem. Good modem brands that DO NOT generate many calls to Tech Support are Motorola, Diamond Multimedia Supra Express, and US Robotics Sportster 33.6 Faxmodem (now called 3 Com) . DO NOT get the Sportster WIN-MODEM. We have also had some problems with the US Robotics Sportster X2 modems.

Actual Email Sent to Support

I can see how a non-computer person could easily make this mistake, but it will still bring a smile to the face of a modem guru. - Cornfed

From Support email:

Date: Thu, 09 Jul 1998 08:14:36 -0400
From:Computer Newbie <Computer_Newbie@Internot.Not>
Subject: Connect Speed
Sender: SUPPORT@Internot.Not
To: SUPPORT <SUPPORT@Internot.Not>
Reply-to: ComputerNewbie@Internot.Not
Message-id: <35A4B42B.AC71EF9@Internot.Not>

How can I connect consistently at 57,600 bps with a 28,800 modem? I changed modem settings according to the list for my modem.

-Shelly Newbie

My answer: Change the port speed to 57,600 and use the following init string - AT&F1W0 (That's W-ZERO. Not W-"Oh")

You might need to get out your modem book, and look up the AT command set to appreciate the humor of my response. Hey...She asked how to consistently connect at 57,600 with a 28,800 bps modem, and I told her.

We aim to please.. ; )

-Cornfed

Ok..ok....If you need an explanation visit this web site, and here is a list of modem AT command sets to see what I did (Shame on me).

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